No PAX tickets for me

Even though I live in Washington I missed the PAX Prime tickets. Everything again sold out so fast. Though a few of my friends were able to get one day passes.

Man though, I wonder who all is going to be there. I know last year Hideki Kamiya was there and everything.
Well this is more a blessing in disguise since I need to be saving my money. If I had a PAX Prime pass for sure I would need to buy lots of things.
While I do game, it's probably not nearly on a level where it would be shown off at PAX.

Mainly I like traditional games (MTG, board games) and video games. I'm not really a mainstream player.

Oh well there's always next year.

Shifting some blog content

While I love typing on this blog about everything I do and stuff. I am going to start to filter it out a bit.

Mainly everything anime/otaku-ish is going to go onto a new blog. The reason being while this blog is mainly about everyday life I'd like a focus on my hobbies on a different place.

To be honest I don't know if this blog will get deleted eventually, but who knows.

For now I will continue to talk about real life happenings/lolita/other stuff here, but as of late I don't really have anything to post about since I am using tumblr more often than not as of late for lolita fashion and everything else.

Sometimes life is horrible

Well a lot of messed up crap happened all at once.

First problem is that my mother board is fried or something is wrong with it that it only brings up the loading screen. And by loading screen I mean the screen that the people who made the mother board made. So I know something is wrong. I attempted to try and fix it but it won't even let me off that screen even though it says that I can press F2 to continue or F12 (I'm not sure if those are the correct keys) but for sure I can't do a damn thing about it since my knowledge about computers is limited.

Second while my cosplay is about 90% done came home to see my prop collapse in on itself. I couldn't salvage anything. And I have been working on it so very hard that it makes me sad that in just one fell swoop I had to toss everything into the trash.

Since some of the pieces were lighter and everything it was just a bad set up when I did the fast mache on the prop that it really just collapsed in on itself.

I did learn though that I most likely will be making nothing with mache anymore if I can help it. And that I have to plan ahead months in advance when making a prop instead of doing it last minute. I will try again to make Ruby's scythe; Crescent Rose. But this time I will make sure that I use the correct materials and work with either wonderflex or worbla.

The computer thing is the most upsetting though to be honest, since all my music was on my laptop and I don't want to buy it again since I never backed up any of the information or anything.

Just a crap day just before Sakura-con

Oh and one last crap note;

There were only 25 tickets for the tea party event. I didn't get one, in fact a lot of people didn't but that's natural seeing as there was only 25 tickets and how many people like lolita in the city alone. Also tickets aren't transferable, so if you can't go, the spot won't be filled.

Yeah..........Just a great time......

So close to Sakuracon

So Sakuracon is close at hand. Which is kind of sad and yet so very exciting.

What I am excited and sad for is Angelic Pretty. I don't think I will have enough money to buy anything substantial from their shop since it's only two more paychecks till con. But then last year I didn't find anything I really wanted so that was kind of a loss for me, so who knows what will happen at this one.

If there's another tea party I will probably go again, but this time I won't be expecting much since AX's one was super lame, and it seems par for the course for brand tea parties (that are held within the convention center).

But I cannot wait for the fashion show that will happen.

Last years fashion show at Sakuracon took so long to get started but then burned out quickly their time wasn't even up before they were finished.

Anyway I have to figure out what things I wanna wear for the con aside from my cosplay.

I want to wear this but I don't have an ivory or a brown blouse to wear with it. I mean I have my new blouse from meta that I haven't worn yet. It may be a bit weird wearing white with ivory but it may be my best chances as of right now to have something new to wear at the con.

I mean while all my other stuff is nice. The rest of my pieces are relatively older AP and Baby items that I've had over the years.

Whatever turns out to be the case I'm just going to try to have more fun and try to be less of a wallflower than other times.

Countdown to Sakuracon

We've almost got about a month left before Sakura-con and I feel as if I am not ready for it.

To be honest my cosplay isn't finished yet, and it's starting to get in crunch mode. I haven't finished Ruby's scythe and accessories yet. But all I have of the main piece left is a second belt and her cape. So that's way better than I thought.

I will continue to work on my scythe though I am a bit disappointed I don't have the budget to make my scythe out of wonderflex. So instead I'm making it out of different paper maches. It will probably look ok in pictures but in real life probably not the best. I'll definitely have to fix it up for the next time I work on the costume.

Though to be honest I am excited that they announced that Range Murata is going to be at the con. I've always loved his art and found it very soft and interesting.

I may post up progress pics here for the prop but I'm not so sure...

Lolita and J-fashion Resolution 2014

Last year I didn't do so well on my resolutions, so here's hoping my list this year is going to be better. This is actually just copied from my tumblr, but with more detailed information.

Shiki collaboration with Angelic Pretty and Metamorphose

-Buy five main pieces not in the color pink (skirts,jumpers,OPs)
      If you're wondering why I make distinction of pink, it actually has to deal with it being my favorite color and a color I heavily gravitate too. So I still tend to buy pink pieces regardless, but hey, I need more variation in my wardrobe, so that's why this will always be in my list.

 

Stained Glass by Moi Meme Moitie

-Buy one Moi-Meme-Moitie main piece
     I've loved Moitie pieces since I started lolita (I actually remember Iron Gate being sold on CD Japan) and with quite a few Moitie pieces being more accomidating towards varying sizes, I thought it might be a good thing to try.

Milk Heart Bag in Gold

-Purchase something in my wishlist
     I've got a huge varied wish list that contains all sorts of items. Most likely from my list I'd probably end up buying shoes or a bag (or both) since as a lady accessories are quite an important thing.

Moonstar x Sousou collaboration Festival Tabi

-Buy a pair of unique shoes
      Actually this one is already done to be honest. I recently this year already acquired these tabi shoes. And you can't deny that they're not unique. You don't see many people wear tabi. I actually had a very interesting conversation with a Japanese lady about them. She was so surprised and happy that someone was wearing traditional shoes. And honestly, the grip on it is amazing. The regular shoes from Sousou don't have a firm grounding grip since the bottoms are more akin to tennis shoes.

Also, I bought these because I've started to dabble into using wa-fabric.

Metamorphose Diamond Print Blouse

-Purchase a white/black/and an unusual colored blouse
     Always needing those staples. I just purchased this Metamorphose blouse and am waiting for it to arrive. Already one third of the way there. Which is pretty great because I seriously need blouses, especially since it gets cold up here.

Haenuli dress

-Purchase one indie designer piece
     There are some great indies shops out there and I want to support them, so I thought that maybe if I just even get one piece from them, it would be a good start

-Purchase 2 parasols/umbrellas
     I live in the rainy part of the US, so I need these, because... It rains a ton. Kinda self explanatory.

-Make at least 3 sets of clothing that could be used for J-fashion or lolita
      Since I started to learn how to sew, I've been getting a quick grasp on it, so I want to sew a few outfits. I've got a lot of varied fabric and everything. Just need to start piecing them together.

Jane Marple Stamp Skirt

-Purchase an otome main piece
     I really like the idea behind otome, especially since this could work for when I don't feel like dressing up fully in lolita clothes.

Alice and the Pirates x Disney Collaboration

-Purchase a main piece in either alice or trump theme
     I really like Alice themes, so I still need to get something to brighten up my wardrobe.

So that's it for the resolutions, and I seem to be ahead of the game this year, which is great. Hopefully I can knock everything off of my list, even though it's longer than last years.

Kickstarters that need help

It may not be your cup o tea but there are a few kickstart pages going on that need help if you're interested.
First one is GAMCON which is trying to raise up funds to make an anime/videogame convention outside of the Seattle are.
GAMCON kickstarter page
Even if it's just a couple of dollars, I'm sure they'd appreciate the help. I donated $20 to just get a badge, since it's more of a local con for me. And the area that they're trying to rent is actually quite spacious and cheap. There are local businesses and everything willing to help and advertise, but they just need a bit of word of mouth to spread it around, so if you have any interest or know someone who would, by all means. Please show them.

Also another Kickstarter that holds a place in my nerd heart is the Wakfu kickstarter is up.
Wakfu dub+French sub Bluray
If you've ever seen the show or played the Tactical MMORPG, now is your chance to not only own the first season but at 200,000CAD we get season two as well for all the backers who backed enough to get the bluray. I was able to get the limited to 50 early bird special at the 100CAD mark so I so have that going for me. And the wait time for isn't too long, estimated April but they said it may be pushed back a month or two if they have to do even more dubbing, which isn't a bad thing because that means more goals have been met.

Also for everyone who says "I'll just get it later". In the kickstarter comments Ankama has said after this kickstarter they're probably not going to release it again, for a long time. So this is pretty much your shot to get something like this.

Anyway thanks for taking a look and everything. Hope that you'll donate, or even just spread the word.

More Sewing Fun

So there's going to be more sewing fun tomorrow. I'm going to finish up my skirt that I made 100% all by myself. Hopefully assembled it won't look like a hot mess like it does in pieces. Seriously, I seem to not be able to cut without help.

Also I have a lot of the fabric left so mom is going to actively help me make a matching vest for it since the fabric is more pop like. When she told me that she'd help I said; "is that so?" And was reminded of Kill la Kill because...Talking clothing, sewing, fighting the power of clothes, friendship with clothes, controlling the world with clothes... You know, Trigger saving anime.

Satsuki wants to know is that so...

Anyway besides sewing my mom is going to be helping with my Ruby Rose cosplay tomorrow. More importantly we're going to be making a petticoat akin to what classical puppets sells. But she's going to be using the serger and she's going to teach me how.

Mako looking at Sensei's needles

Honestly though, the serger looks intimidating, and I thought my mom didn't know how to use it, because all I've ever seen was my aunt borrow it from us to make her scrubs... But she does know how, which is good, because I need all the help I can get taming that beast. Anyway I hope to have progress and completion pictures up, since these are going to be interesting none the less.

I honestly have no idea if I'm going to just post the images up here or also to tumblr. May do both. I should probably though at one point link my tumblr and blog together.

Though honestly I just post simple images on tumblr, here is where I get to talk.

First Foray Into Sewing

So I recently started to make a skirt. And I already learned so much from my mistakes that it was an interesting experience.

The first thing I did wrong and I didn't know it until my mom pointed it out after I already did it. Was I kinda can't cut fabric. When I was using the pattern and pinning it, it kept flying all over the place so I had lots of pieces that were kinda uneven and everything. It didn't look pretty. Then my mom was all.
"Lol you pinned it wrong. Pin it the other way."

Literally the reaction I made after she told me what I did wrong

 I was more upset she didn't tell me this until after the mangled pieces were done. But she insisted that I wouldn't have learned anything if she just told and showed me how to do everything. She said the rewards wouldn't be fulfilling. I guess in a way, mom is probably right, but still; it sucks. Luckily I bought the fabric on sale when it was 4.99 a yard instead of the 9.99 it was normally.

On another note, it seems to be that I'm already stockpiling fabric like a crazy lady. Is this one of the affects of wanting and learning how to sew?

Anyway I should be able to work and finish my skirt on my weekend. I'll post it up on here, just promise you won't laugh. You can call it crap or shit, just don't laugh.

Houzuki no Reitetsu is here!

Houzuki no Reitetsu is finally here guys! I am so excited. I started to read the manga once it came out translated (since it's way easier to find translates than RAWs) and I gotta say hands down I loved it. So I was super excited when they announced making the anime of it. More than that, it's being similcasted on CrunchyRoll and was already picked up for local distribution by Sentai Films. This makes the youkai lover in me very happy!

Here is the official PV with English subs.

After the first episode came out I was really bursting with happiness, but I guess a lot of people don't like Houzuki no Reitetsu. I hear a lot that it's not funny and boring. It doesn't help that the show and manga is just as much a slice of life as it is a comedy. And a lot of the humor in Houzuki relies on knowing about Japanese culture and religions; most people from other countries don't know much about Buddhism besides Buddha himself, but that's ok.

I did really enjoy it, and the opening theme song just makes me laugh with how everyone is singing, like King Enma decided like it would boost morale among workers or something.

I did preorder the OP theme CD and the B-Alt limited edition version for the Japanese Bluray release. I'm a bit bummed about how much you pay for only two or three episodes, but you know. You gotta do what you gotta do to support the industry.

I'm finally going to cosplay.... And I'm really scared

Well as Sakuracon draws closer my friends (the two who I saw Rebellion with) are talking about what they're going to cosplay as. And they asked me what was I going to dress up as, and I told them nothing because I'm too afraid to cosplay.

Of course they asked why and I told them the truth of what I felt; that I was too ugly and fat to cosplay. My friends couldn't believe that I would say that about myself but they saw how genuine I believe the words to be.

They told me about how much fun they have at cons when they dress up and that it doesn't have to be anything serious as sometimes they go in casual cosplay like homestuck or MLP:FIM characters. They really encouraged me to try cosplay as they said they'd be there to support me.

When I look back on it, it seems a bit funny that my friends who are a few years younger than me, had to encourage me to try cosplaying. But without them I don't think I'd ever try.

Well enough about that part, onto what I've decided to cosplay as.

I'm actually going as two characters from the Madoka Movie:Rebellion

Nagisa Momoe and Bebe

I wanted to pick something that was relatively easy and of characters I liked. These two are super adorable, and I already got some help for BeBe's wig and will be ordering the pieces to put it together soon. And funny enough one of my friends is cosplaying Mami as well, which means there will be two magical girls at least.

My mom even wants me to cosplay something else as well. We watched the first season of RWBY together and she wants me to cosplay Ruby Rose

Ruby Rose

I do like the character but out of all the characters my mom suggested Ruby is the only one I'd feel comfortable doing. Mom suggested me to dress up as Yang or Pyrrha which didn't set so well for me. Though I had an interesting time explaining to my mom just exactly what a scythe was to her.

I think for me the most fun would be in constructed the Crescent Rose scythe as I always loved making sculptures and helping out making props for people.

Looks like the next couple of months I will be super busy for the con, hopefully though all the hard work I will be doing won't be wasted.

I'm still nervous about this whole cosplaying ordeal, but I also am excited. As time goes on I hope the nervousness and doubt goes away.

Showbox Kyary Pamyu Pamyu-Going going and Sewing

So in February there's the Kyary Pamyu Pamyu concert in Seattle at the Showbox Market in downtown Seattle. I'll be going with a friend (one of the friends I'm going to see Madoka with). To see the concert.

Now I know that there's a lot of lolitas who dress up for her show but most likely I will not be one of them. I've been to a few live shows and I think that's just a little too restrictive for such a fun thing. Instead I might wear something in my closet or make something.

Also, one of my actual real life (not lolita fashion based) resolution actually came true. I've learned how to sew. As of right now I cannot make anything super amazing but my mom has been teaching me and she got me a little compact sewing machine to work with that I can place on my desk and can sew and stuff.

Hopefully I'll actually make something good enough to show off.

Sakuracon 2014

Well Sakuracon is close at hand. I just bought my ticket and reserved the hotel for my group. That's right it's just more than me and my BFF going this year. I actually made two new, close friends (female friends) at work. And they both like anime/manga and even fashion (J-fashion though). So it's really going to be fun.

I can't believe our hotel is going to be close to $1,000 though. But it's a much easier burden when everyone is paying, also we have to deal with the fact that the hotel parking is also valet but when there's only about half a block to the convention center...WHO CARES.

This con is going to be really great. The only way it could possibly get better is if we get lolita brands up here again like they did with Chantilly a while ago.

The only somewhat sad part about this, it may be the only con I go to for a long while. I can't go to AX this year because it's in super close proximity to Sakuracon and also with the fact that I'll finally be going back to school in the spring (right around the con too) it's not economical.

But there are a few fall cons I am seeing that I wouldn't mind going to PMX, PAX Prime, and also Rufflecon are all happening and it might be fun to attend one of those as well.
It's going to be an interesting next 2014 to say the least.

Also with my lolita fashion resolutions, I haven't been up on them and haven't gotten even one of my goals fulfilled yet. >.< I must be really bad at this.

Madoka Magica -Rebellion-

Madoka Magica Part Three -Rebellion-

Guess whose going to watch the Madoka Magica movie in their city on December 8th... THIS GAL!

I'm like really stoked to see this movie and I'm going to see it with a couple of gals from work who are also into anime and when I told them about this movie we all got our tickets. The only thing that sucks is I haven't seen the first two...

But don't worry we're seeing those at a matinee at the same movie theater we're seeing the third movie at. So we're going to marathon all three movies and it's going to be so epic!!!

So very excited about this! I don't like watching movies at theaters and even more so I don't like watching them alone. But I'm just so happy right now I could burst! December couldn't come soon enough!

This is getting a bit silly now....

This is nothing against the place I preordered these shoes from, but my god. How long are they going to be postponed.

I reserved these Creamy Mami shoes to come out June, and still the date just got pushed back, again. For the sixth month in a row.

Creamy Mami 30th anniversary shoes

The shoes in question are to celebrate the 30th anniversary of the show. And there were many collaborations this year with many youth brands (lots of lolita brands) at LaForet. But you know I preordered these. Now I do expect delays... But this is just getting ridiculous.

I mean I don't have anything to wear them with at the moment. But I've been investing in my regular wardrobe and generally starting to intergrade a full J-fashion wardrobe, so that's why the shoes were bought.

Basically I'm just frustrated with how long a wait its been. But hopefully when they finally do get released it will all be worth it.

Leggings and bonding with my mom

Oddly enough I've been bonding with my mom more lately. This is actually a little bit weird since my mom is my mom and rather quite a nutter sometimes. But as of late she's been more interested in what I wear and what I'm doing with my spare time.

Anyway my mom was oddly happy when she heard that I was ordering leggings from online. There was a lot of praise for that until I got the package in and my mom went full >:/

Bravest Warrior Tights from WELOVEFINE

Lady Rainicorn Tights from WELOVEFINE

I think they weren't what she was expecting. Though oddly enough she didn't mind the Lady Rainicorn leggings though, she thinks Lady is really cute. But she didn't like the Bravest Warrior tights.

But when we went out on the 29th I kept getting comments about my Bravest Warrior tights. The typical ones were asking if they were Adventure Time tights (this happens a lot when I wear them) but I kept getting told how cute they were (even from older ladies, which was adorable) and one person even wanted to know where I got them.

But the fun part was when my mom just nonchalantly told me that we needed to make a skirt or something for the tights so that they'd match better with my clothes. It was a really surprising moment for me.

Though I'm not one to like the tights from Blackmilk and stuff, I kinda wanna try my own hand at making tights. It seems like a lot of fun.

Musee du Chocolate in Ivory and more Fashion Resolution talk

Well I bought dress #2 in a color way other than pink the other day.

Musee du Chocolate-Angelic Pretty

This was actually a dress I did want after seeing the pictures from Kera magazine. So I was super glad when the English-AP site put up a few more dresses. There were three ivory pieces restocked and one mint one. I decided to go for the ivory because it honestly looked the best out of all the colors. Ivory is such a nice color and I actually now have a chocolate print that actually looks like chocolate. While Melty Chocolate is still cute... I don't think pink chocolate bars appear very much.

Close up detail

I still think though, the little details of the dress make it lovely, the top is really nice. I enjoy it a lot. I think it makes it look slightly more like a uniform or a dress-uniform piece. Though I may be the only one getting the feeling from the top part of the jumper skirt.

It's two dresses down already, and only three more to go. I wonder what the other two colors will be? I'm just really happy that I was able to even get two new dresses to go toward my lolita fashion resolution. It's honestly more than I ever thought I was going to get. I actually thought it was just going to be pink forever with me. Though right now, even with not that many months left before the new year. I feel like I will be able to get my resolutions done and accomplished. And therefore making my wardrobe more varied.

Too much to buy, not enough money.... And redecorations

Every time I go onto Amiami, or online I just find so much to buy. But I know I have to keep spending down so that I can save for my trip to Japan and for school and cons. Though I was able to do the remodeling I wanted to do and am out about $900 but it was worth it. I ended up just getting a new TV and a tower system so now I have a non piece of shit computer that can run Steam besides Bejeweled (don't judge me, I like puzzle games).

But luckily mom gave me my birthday present a little bit early. Martha Stewart cabinets and an Ikea drawer for my room. All we have to do now is just paint my bed frame, my outdoor closet and my desk (if we don't end up making one) white and then everything will be perfect.

I do have my Metamorphose collaboration dress with Kamen Rider Wizard on the way, also the R-series dress as well. But I did end up purchasing two things from Japan that were a bit of impulse buys for my kitchen.

Lekue-Spain made, bought in Japan

 First one up is a Lekue steamer. Made in Spain, bought in Japan. Wacky right? Well it seems that the pink one is hard to buy and most of the shops that carried it on rakuten.jp had it sold out. I was able to find this three pack though for $35 after FromJapan's rakuten promotion. They've got rakuten promotionals all the time and I suggest buying something from rakuten when they come up. Well anyway the Lekue steamer is what it is, just a steamer but since I eat a lot of steamed veggies right now I can put a good heaping and just steam them up real quick. So I bought it for my weightloss (I'm already almost down 10lbs :3 )

Honestly I've bought some wacky dieting aids before from Japan and they didn't really work. But this just seems practical. Also it comes with a cookbook so at least I can use it as well just in case I run out of ideas. Also Japan has a lot of Lekue cookbooks and cookbooks for all sorts of single silicone steamers so it's a really good investment to me.

The other thing I bought... Well I just really wanted it...

just look at dem bishoujou eyes

That's right... MANGA PLATE.

There have been a few of them circling around the internet and places like Bento&Co have them but I wanted to see all the designs. And honestly this one caught my eyes the most. Because it's so magical. Just look at her eye that dessert.

I will put everything on that plate just so that it looks magical. But in all honesty. I will use these plates. I wanna get a couple more designs but probably not until later down the line.

Lovely Glutton and Kamen Rider...Lolita?!

I actually bought quite a bit of lolita things this month... Ok well not a lot just two dresses that are both coming in late August.

The first one is To My Lovely Glutton from R-Series.

R-Series To My Lovely Glutton in Dusty Pink

 Ok, I know it's going to be a little bit funny or perhaps ironic that I bought this as a gift for slimming down a few inches off my waist and bust. I really did like this design as it looks and feels more Otome to me than anything else. So it's probably a dress that can lean to either side depending how I dress along with it. And I know... Another pink dress.

It seems that my resolution to buy five main pieces that aren't pink this year seems to be heading in the wrong direction... But my other dress I preordered might change that.

So I'm subscribed to Metamorphose's mailing list so I get updates and I wasn't even busy reading it until I saw written in katakana the words "Kamen Rider". So I had to jump on it, since the item was being sold on August 10th 6:30pm Japan time. The thing was... It was sold out within minutes. Yup a Kamen Rider Wizard collaboration with Metamorphose.

Kamen Rider Wizard collaboration dress in Wine Red

To be perfectly honest, red wasn't my first choice, it was actually the ivory color but red was the only thing left and I didn't want to be put on a waiting list, so I just preordered it. I was glad too because I got one of the last ones. The series is completely sold out. I haven't watched "Kamen Rider Wizard in Magic Land" which is what the dress is based off of one of Koyomi's outfits, I think. There is a matching cape to this though, but even though I think it's super cute I just couldn't see myself buy it.

Kamen Rider Wizard full collaboration coordination

Though they did another Wizard one earlier, because the outfit Koyomi initially wears is from Metamorphose. Same with the Goth girl Tomoko in Kamen Rider Fourze. Though overall, it seems that out of all the brands, Metamorphose does the most collaborations and more of them do get posted online for everyone to buy.

So hey, one dress down. Four more to go.

Slight family crisis and good feel weight loss

Well there has been a lot of stuff going down in the house the last couple of weeks.

Mom got sent to the emergency room, turns out she has a potassium deficiency. Dad got relived from his job due to medical complications, a month earlier than expected. And his final paycheck and vacation pay aren't here yet, it should be a week or so before we get those. *sigh* Yeah right now he's just sitting at home with his leg propped up taking antibiotics he got when he visited the doctor in Singapore.

So things are going to be rather tight financially for the household until my dad has another job. Which may take a month at least.

Also the truck is pretty shot, as it needs to be repaired with a $500 piece of equipment. Plus the instillation of it, which turns it out to be over a grand just to fix a stupid hose...

So yeah pretty much, real life hasn't been treating me all that well...

Donut Joe knows how it is

But on the other hand. Before I go to Japan next year I really wanted to lose the weight that I have gotten amassed over the years and it seems that I am doing something right... As I've almost lost 5lbs in three weeks, this is the start of week three.

What I did was I started to just track everything and calorie count. So I have a journal of everything I eat and drink (that has a calorie intake) and just make sure to try to not go over the daily recommendation of calories.

Now unlike some people I know who totally avoid fast food and junk on diets, we can say this is more of a life style change as I'm just trying to eat out less and take care of my body better. In my journal though you can see sometimes there's a burger from Dairy Queen or a Smothered burrito with a Baja Blast from Taco Bell.

But even with food that's not so good every once in a while, there's tons of good eatings in there, and it makes me proud. I feel really proud of myself since now I'm finally losing the weight for me and not for anyone else.